Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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