You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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