i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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