My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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