You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry