I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers