every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.