just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research