i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.