Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass