he was CRYING into my vagina
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
