White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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