I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
