Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
