so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
