I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.