Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.