WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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