He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize