My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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