When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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