Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
