The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
