Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My cat gives me a boner
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
