Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found a bag of teeth...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
