I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
