I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?