I can text with my tongue
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i am craving dick and cupcakes