I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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