He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
True strength comes from lack of pants
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
