I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.