so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's just like the Real World with babies
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.