i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven