Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™