i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.