I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i now understand why vodka
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart