I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
