this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
