Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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