dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
