By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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