Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
