Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize