If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
