Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
