I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize