I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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