i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
