She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
lol hangovers are for mortals.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
