You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
