Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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