Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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