he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
