dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
