I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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