its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
