we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
