I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Randomize