She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
