My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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