And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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