I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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